Ever since Kelly Cesare got married to husband Alex in November 2019, she dreamed of starting a family.
But as a childhood cancer survivor, the 30-year-old school psychologist is unable to carry a pregnancy to term.
My problem is that my heart isnt strong enough to beat for me and a fetus, said Kelly,who was diagnosed with B-cell lymphoma at age 7.
Her cardiologist suggested hiring a gestational carrier a woman who would carry the couples fertilized egg and have no genetic relationship with the embryo.
But that option had been off the table until this week. On Monday, after a decades-long battle, paid gestational surrogacy became legal in New York, allowing couples such as the Long Island-based Cesares who in the surrogacy world are called intended parents to finally have a family of their own.
I knew since I was a teenager that having children would be hard for me, said Kelly, who lives in Mineola and is prepared to spend $130,000 to have a child via gestational surrogacy.
Thats the all-in price tag including legal fees and health insurance for the services of Chicago-based surrogacy agency ConceiveAbilities, which has a location in NYC.
You want to fixate on the price because it is so much, said Kelly, but holding your baby in your arms is priceless.
Previously, New Yorkers like Kelly had to travel to California or the Midwest, where paid surrogacy is legal.
That was a nonstarter for Kelly, who was restricted to a surrogate within a two-hour drive for medical reasons, since her IVF treatments took place at NYCs Weill-Cornell Medicine on the advice of her cardiologist.
Its a huge sigh of relief now that we know we can have a New York-born baby and not play hopscotch to get there, she said.
Surrogacy fell out of favor after a high-profile 1985 case involving New Jersey surrogate Mary Beth Whitehead.
Whitehead had used her own eggs to help childless couple William and Elizabeth Stern conceive, then refused to give up the child, known as Baby M, after giving birth in 1986.
While the Sterns were ultimately granted full custody of the child, the New Jersey Supreme Court invalidated their surrogacy contract, and the case led to a ban on paid surrogacy in New York and New Jersey.
Proponents of the New York law, which was passed in April and took effect on Monday, believe that it will allow more people including those with fertility issues or are in same-sex relationships toshare in the joys of parenting.
They also point to its protections for surrogates, such as a bill of rights that ensures that they continue to make their own health-care decisions, and the fact that most modern surrogates are impregnated via IVF using a couples own fertilized eggs.
Ever since her older sister struggled with fertility issues, Rebecca Kitchin, 32, has wanted to help couples conceive.
A lot of people ask me why do you want to do it they laugh at it or roll their eyes, she said.
But Kitchin, who works for an agency that helps those with developmental disabilities, feels so compelled to help other families that she even considered crossing state lines to become a surrogate. Now, she hopes to be a first-time surrogate in her home state.
She is part of the less than 1% of applicants at the agency ConceiveAbilities who was accepted to be a surrogate.
So many families have to jump through insane hoops, said the single mom from upstate Warrensburg.
Im so ready to help a family and bring more meaning into their lives while creating more meaning for mine as well.
Another surrogate hopeful is Michelle Galang, a 30-year-old mom of two from Ridgewood, Queens.
Galang said she wanted to work with theEgg Donor & Surrogacy Instituteafter a close friend was unable to have children.
As a mom, I dont know what Id do without my kids.Anyone whos able to have a child through adoption, IVF or surrogacy is very blessed.
When she spied ads on social media to become a surrogate, Galang, a sales specialist whos engaged, said she knew she wanted to take the leap.
I want to make a difference by carrying a baby, she said, adding that she loved being pregnant and feeling a heartbeat or a kick.
Critics of surrogacy argue that the industry preys on women whove fallen on hard times, but proponents say thats not true.
Agencies screen out surrogacy candidates for whom finances are a major factor. They also check applicants health, stability and motivation and sometimes look to a surrogates past pregnancies and/or role as a current mother to assess her viability.
Its a grueling process that includes rigorous mental health and physical evaluations.
Its a deep dive into who you are, said Kitchin, making sure youre emotionally ready to handle it. Its a lot, but they do it in stages its not all at once.
Although she admitted that there are potential complications worst case is I die, said the 5-foot-4, 150-pound mom Its a risk that I have to take.I try not to come at this [from] a place of fear.
Shes even explained the ramifications to her 7-year-old daughter. She wants a sibling, but I told her this wouldnt be her sibling. She understands what Ill be doing.
ConceiveAbilities CEO Nazca Fontes said there are already several dozen potential New York surrogates in the pipeline to help intended parents, adding that she hopes to dispel the misconception that money is what drives surrogacy.
While compensation for the surrogate can be as much as $60,000, plus full coverage of her maternity care and insurance, Fontes insisted that finances play only a small role.
Joy is the primary motivator, not money, she said.
The new law is a big game-changer for local families and what they will look like in the years to come.
Before the states legalization, about one-third of ConceiveAbilities intended parents came from New York, but Fontes expects that number to grow now that there are significantly fewer hurdles.
These clients were going through extreme effort and expense to start a family, Fontes said. The couple could live in New York, but their surrogate had to be in another state. Therefore, they had to leave the state for IVF, to visit theirsurrogate and for the delivery.
Before the states legalization, about one-third of ConceiveAbilities intended parents came from New York, but Fontes expects that number to grow now that there are significantly fewer hurdles.
If they were an infertility patient, theydhave to give up their relationship with their doctor and find a new physician out-of-state, and create embryos out-of-state or ship pre-existing embryos out-of-state. This added level of complexity is enormous, stressful and costly.
Now its much easier.
In-state IVF clinics are seeing a boom, too, said Fontes, who expects the first embryo transfers to happen as soon as next month, with the first baby a mere year away.
Were probably looking at our first birth most likely at the first part of 2022, she said.
In the meantime, both intended parents and surrogates are figuring out their new roles in the families they hope to create.
Ive heard about bad relationships with intended parents telling the surrogate they want a relationship but they dont follow through with it, said Kitchin, who hopes to remain in contact with the family after the babys birth.
For some its a business transaction, but I want that connection. I wouldnt be able to do it if it were just a business transaction.
Kelly Cesare is similarly excited and optimistic about matching with a surrogate.
Its so exciting and, truthfully, a little nerve-racking now knowing that were closer to becoming parents, she said, adding that she has no real deal-breakers for the profile of her surrogate.
We truly believe that if a woman is generous enough to carry our child for nine months, we couldnt care less what she looks like, who shes married to or what religion she practices. Were just so grateful to have someone in our life to help bringour miracle baby into this world.
More:
Surrogacy legal in NY: What this means for New Yorkers - New York Post
- Gestational Surrogacy > Fact Sheets - Yale Medicine - May 5th, 2022
- Surrogacy Risks & Side Effects | Surrogate.com - May 5th, 2022
- Elevate - Egg Donor Agency in Hollywood - Best Egg Donor ... - May 5th, 2022
- Insight into Different Aspects of Surrogacy Practices - PMC - May 5th, 2022
- Andy Cohen shouting out his 'rockstar surrogate' is such a beautiful thing to do - Motherly Inc. - May 5th, 2022
- Asia Pacific Initiative on Reproduction (ASPIRE) 2022 Congress: Frozen embryos, sperm and eggs will be big travellers in post COVID-19 cross border... - May 5th, 2022
- Big Fertility Harms Babies And Women So Why Are We ... - April 22nd, 2022
- Family Source Consultants to Celebrate 15th Anniversary in January - Kilgore News Herald - January 11th, 2022
- 5 Crucial Things We Learned From The Documentary 'Eggs Over Easy: Black Women & Fertility' - Essence - January 11th, 2022
- Becoming a parent through surrogacy can have ethical challenges but it is a positive experience for some - The Conversation US - October 11th, 2021
- Surrogacy during a pandemic: Cost, compensation and how COVID-19 impacted the business - WTMJ-TV - May 23rd, 2021
- Changes to outdated UK surrogacy laws are crucial to future of parenthood - Fiona Sharp - The Scotsman - May 23rd, 2021
- Philadelphia Surrogacy Agency | Start Your Family - March 10th, 2021
- Gestational Surrogacy Now Legal in New York After 28 Years - The New Paltz Oracle - SUNY The New Paltz Oracle - March 10th, 2021
- Parents Are Demanding Surrogates Who Wont Get the COVID Vaccine - VICE - March 10th, 2021
- Hilaria Baldwin isn't the only one with surrogate 'twinblings' babies - New York Post - March 10th, 2021
- The Voice Not Heard in Surrogacy Is the Childs - National Catholic Register - March 10th, 2021
- Khloe Kardashian and Tristan Thompson Prepare for Surrogacy in KUWTK Supertease - The Hollywood Gossip - March 10th, 2021
- Gestational Surrogacy Legalized in New York: 2020 State of the State Proposal Signed into Law Last Year Takes Effect - Rockland County Times - February 17th, 2021
- New York Attorneys for Adoption and Assisted Family Formation (NYAAFF) Announces the Child-Parent Security Act as Law - PR Web - February 16th, 2021
- Should Mariah Carry Abby's Baby? The Young & Restless Plot Point So Divisive, It Has Our Editors Taking Sides - Soaps.com - January 31st, 2021
- Matrimonial Matters: Finally, gestational surrogacy law ... - December 18th, 2020
- The Frustrations of Family Building During the COVID-19 Pandemic - The Doctor Weighs In - December 18th, 2020
- 51-year-old woman gives birth to her granddaughter - RADIO.COM - November 11th, 2020
- 51-Year-Old Grandmother Prepares to Give Birth to Her First Grandchild - Chicago Parent - October 30th, 2020
- COVID-19 prevented new parents from meeting their baby born via surrogate. Then, the birth mother stepped in t - Business Insider India - October 29th, 2020
- Mom Agrees to Carry Her Daughter's Baby in Ultimate Act of Love - NBC10 Boston - October 11th, 2020
- Dalit Feminist Voices on Reproductive Rights and Reproductive Justice - Economic and Political Weekly - October 5th, 2020
- Lesbian Pregnancy: Options and Considerations for Building Your Family - Healthline - September 29th, 2020
- N.J. comedian Michelle Buteau is effervescent in her Netflix special. Shes everywhere, and thats a good thi - NJ.com - September 29th, 2020
- 'I Have Been a Surrogate 3 Times, This Is What It's Like' - Newsweek - September 29th, 2020
- Gestational Surrogacy- What All You Need To Know - August 28th, 2020
- Gestational Surrogacy | Surrogate | Coastal Fertility SC - August 28th, 2020
- Two Filipina-American writers grapple with the legacies and consequences of colonialism, late-state capitalism, and white supremacy - The... - August 25th, 2020
- Michigans Safe Haven Surrogacy Laws Are A Problem For The Entire Country - Above the Law - August 13th, 2020
- I gave birth to my own twin grandkids when cervical cancer left my daughter infertile at 23 but it was hard - The Sun - June 15th, 2020
- Abortion and Social Justice: The Case of 'Liberal Eugenics' - National Catholic Register - June 9th, 2020
- Surrogacy amidst the International Coronavirus Crisis: an emotional and legal quandary - Lexology - June 3rd, 2020
- Surrogates left holding the baby as coronavirus rules strand parents - The Guardian - May 16th, 2020
- Parents are hiring jets to see their surrogate children for the first time - Wired.co.uk - May 16th, 2020
- Gestational Surrogacy |CU Denver Fertility Clinic - May 13th, 2020
- Traditional v. gestational surrogacy | Adoption Attorney ... - May 13th, 2020
- The Deconstruction of Motherhood - National Catholic Register - May 11th, 2020
- Paying gestational carriers should be legal in all states ... - May 3rd, 2020
- Anderson Cooper said he never thought it would be possible to be a dad - Insider - INSIDER - May 3rd, 2020
- A Chinese couple cant get to their baby, born to a U.S. surrogate. A Tampa caseworker is caring for - Tampa Bay Times - May 3rd, 2020
- Surrogacy Pros and Cons, Challenges and Benefits - April 10th, 2020
- Surrogate Pay Structure and Factors That Determine the Compensation's Worth - Techkrest - April 10th, 2020
- Andy Cohen Thanks Governor Cuomo After Surrogacy Ban Is Overturned in New York - Bravo - April 6th, 2020
- The surrogate is in Oregon. The parents are in China. And the baby is in limbo. - OregonLive - April 6th, 2020
- Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have welcomed twins via surrogacy and are beyond ecstatic, claims report - MEAWW - April 6th, 2020
- A.M. Roundup: Peak of coronavirus outbreak in NY could arrive sooner than projected - Albany Times Union - April 6th, 2020
- Where things stand with the New York state budget - City & State - April 2nd, 2020
- Rosanna Davison reveals plans to have a second baby with husband Wes Quirke - Goss.ie - April 2nd, 2020
- Home births and COVID-19: Why more women are changing their plans - TODAY - March 30th, 2020
- ConceiveAbilities Expands Legal Team and Services to Meet Growing Demand for Family Creation Services #53275 - New Kerala - March 30th, 2020
- More celebrities are taking surrogacy route to have kids - Tehelka - March 9th, 2020
- Rosanna 'overwhelmed' by huge response to emotional interview - Independent.ie - March 3rd, 2020
- The Adorable and Genuis Reason Kim Kardashian Records Her Kids Before Bed - Showbiz Cheat Sheet - March 3rd, 2020
- A California couple was heartbroken to say goodbye to their beloved dog, Marley -- so they cloned him - WDJT - March 3rd, 2020
- Gay dads spend 60,000 to have children through surrogacy - Birmingham Live - February 29th, 2020
- Kim Kardashian Says She Keeps In Touch With Both Her Surrogates - Showbiz Cheat Sheet - February 29th, 2020
- Two Cheetah Cubs Born to Surrogate Mother in World's First Successful IVF Operation to Save the Big Cats - Good News Network - February 29th, 2020
- A California couple was heartbroken to say goodbye to their beloved dog, Marley. So they cloned him - wlfi.com - February 29th, 2020
- Twins of Mar, Korina celebrate first birthday with barnyard-themed party - ABS-CBN News - February 17th, 2020
- I last had a baby five years ago a lot has changed since then - The Guardian - February 10th, 2020
- Kim Kardashian West used a 'surrogate therapist' for birth of Chicago - Insider - INSIDER - February 8th, 2020
- Surrogacy agency co-founder hopes lawmakers move bill to summer study - KELOLAND.com - February 8th, 2020
- Andy Cohen makes heartfelt plea while celebrating son's 1st birthday - Yahoo Celebrity - February 8th, 2020
- Why My Husband Is OK With Me Having Another Man's Baby - CafeMom - February 7th, 2020
- Personal story gives legislators more to think about on surrogacy bill - AberdeenNews.com - February 7th, 2020
- What are your rights to pump breast milk at work? - KMOV.com - February 7th, 2020
- The long road to fatherhood for gay men in China - The Week Magazine - February 7th, 2020
- Fabulous readers donated 20k for surrogacy and made my Ethan the UKs first crowdfunded baby - The Sun - February 7th, 2020
- Brooklyn park will be renamed after LGBTQ icon Marsha P. Johnson - Metro Weekly - February 7th, 2020
- I Just Wanted a Baby, But Surrogacy Gave Me So Much More - Vogue - January 30th, 2020
- The policy battles that pit the left against the left. - City & State - January 30th, 2020
- Surrogacy Claims Another U.S Woman's Life, And Other Notes From the Week - Verily - January 30th, 2020
- E-bikes to unions, the law changes proposed in Cuomo's state budget - WBFO - January 30th, 2020
- Governor's budget bill includes host of proposed laws - Rome Sentinel - January 24th, 2020