Dear Amy: I had a miscarriage last year around this time. I
was in a horrible state at first and then started cheering up,
but now I'm feeling depressed.
I don't know if it's because the anniversary of this
miscarriage is coming up or what else it could be — but I don't
know what to do.
Should I tell my family and friends or doctor? I just don't
want to be depressed about it anymore.
I have other kids to think about but I just can't stop thinking
about the one I lost. What should I do? — Feeling
Depressed
Dear Depressed: It is completely understandable that you
would experience grief and sadness at this time — especially if
you “held it together” for your children after your
miscarriage.
Please, reach out to others, realizing that not all people are
capable of responding.
Some will try to erase your grief by insisting that you focus
on the positive instead of understanding your pain.
Your doctor should understand and will prescribe medication or
refer you to a therapist if she believes you are clinically
depressed.
For many grieving people, knowing you are not alone is one key
to healing. Your hospital will have information about local
miscarriage support groups.
Read “I Never Held You: Miscarriage, Grief, Healing and
Recovery,” by Ellen M. DuBois and Linda R. Backman
(CreateSpace, 2006).
Dear Amy: A couple of years ago, because of a
falling-out over money we lent to our son, we were told that we
were no longer welcome in their lives.
We continued to send monetary gifts to the two grandchildren
for birthdays, Christmas and graduation, with no acknowledgment
at all.
This year, the day after Christmas we received a phone call
from our 18-year-old grandson saying that he'd received our
Christmas card but there was nothing inside. He wondered if
something had fallen out.
I advised him that nothing was inside but our “good wishes,”
explaining that he was an “adult” now.
Because he sounded so pleasant and it was so nice to hear his
voice after so long, I “chickened out” of telling him that we
hadn't sent money because we have never been thanked for
previous gifts of money.
We continued with a very pleasant “catching up with his life”
conversation. Now I am feeling guilty about not sending him any
money (although we are still sending it to his younger sister).
— Torn
Dear Torn: Your gifts and grants of money have caused
nothing but trouble in your family, and yet the first thing
that occurs to you after you've had a decent encounter with a
family member is to reward him by sending money.
Can you build upon this encounter without shelling out cold,
hard cash?
You have told this young man that he is an “adult.” Now respect
him enough to tell the truth so that he might see the
connection between his behavior and the consequences.
He needs to understand that if he had picked up the phone to
say thank you, he might not have had to pick up the phone to
ask, “Did my check fall out of the envelope?”
If he taps into his gratitude, you will be more likely to feel
generous in the future. Contact him, be honest and say you'd
love to stay in touch.
Dear Amy: More feedback for “Bah Humbug.” I hope she
follows her heart on how to celebrate the holidays next year.
My husband and I radically changed our celebration this year,
each observing the season in our own way, and it was just
lovely.
The sky didn't fall. Friends and relatives are still speaking
to us, and we're certainly speaking to one another, smiling,
and asking why we didn't do this sooner.
I suspect that Bah may just discover that, freed from a frantic
baking/shopping/wrapping/decorating fiend of a wife full of
resentments and expectations, her husband may come through with
some heartfelt gestures to observe the season that she will
truly appreciate.
That's what happened to us. — Happy New Year in Virginia
Dear Happy: I've heard from many readers who had a
serious case of the “Bahs” this year. Thank you for the
inspiration to do things differently.
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Chicago, IL 60611.
References
View original post here:
Anniversary of miscarriage brings on grief (01/28/12)